grace given me

Are you a New Year’s resolution person? This past holiday season, with hope-filled Christmas carols still top of mind, Apple ran a new commercial. It said, “most people quit their New Year’s resolutions by the second Friday in January. It’s actually called ‘Quitter’s Day.’ But Apple Watch gives you the motivation to run right past Quitter’s Day, and stick to your New Year’s fitness goals.” The essence is, buy the watch and you will be saved from Quitter’s Day. You will be able to keep your resolutions, resulting in according to Google, “more confidence, empowerment, optimism, and a sense of control.” Oh yes, that would personally bring me great comfort and joy. Do I need the watch?

I don’t know why, but into the new year, part of a Christmas carol stayed stuck in my mind. You know the song. We were all singing along last month…

“God rest ye merry, gentlemen
Let nothing you dismay
Remember, Christ, our Savior
Was born on Christmas day
To save us all from Satan’s power
When we were gone astray
O tidings of comfort and joy”

I have been reading Matthew and I was struck by Matthew 2:10. In reference to the Wise Men who were guided by the star that stopped in Bethlehem where Jesus was born, it says, “When they saw the star, they were filled with joy!” Why? Why were they filled with joy? He was just a baby. He hadn’t done anything yet. He hadn’t helped them reach any resolutions (at least not in a practical earthly way). Still it says that they were filled with joy. In contrast we read in Matthew 2:3, “King Herod was deeply disturbed when he heard this (Jesus being born), as was everyone in Jerusalem.” Isn’t it interesting that just the idea of Jesus elicited such strong and different emotions? Is it much different today?

King Herod, having been introduced to this new baby as the newborn *king*, was understandably threatened. But “everyone” else is interesting. Why were they “disturbed?” Again, he was just a baby who hadn’t done anything yet. Sure, many had likely read or heard of a coming Messiah. Were they disturbed because they were unsure if he was who they thought he could be, should be? Were they worried he was going to take something away from them? Many were enjoying a level of power and prosperity under King Herod. Maybe they were concerned he would uproot their lives, require too much of them, or not give them what they wanted – what they thought would give them comfort and joy.

Admittedly, for much of my life, I was disturbed by Jesus. As I set out to make a life for myself, I went about performing and earning and achieving. Degrees, income, promotions, accolades… a husband, home, kids, friends… love, acceptance, worth. For so long I thought all Jesus could and would do, is mess things up. Make me give up something I didn’t want to. I was driven, proud, and a self-described “pretty good person.” Yet, something was off. My marriage wasn’t as easy or happy as I thought it would be. I was feeling burn-out at work. My relationships with family and friends were not as joyful and fulfilling as I had hoped for. Try as I might to be a good, fun, kind, loving person, the part of me that couldn’t let go of control and bitterness kept leaking out and wreaking havoc.

One day this scripture just got me: “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) Satan is so good at deception. He had subtly whispered to me for so long, ‘keep trying to earn it.’ He comes to lie, steal and destroy. The riddle I was not getting is that God did not want me to admit I was a sinner to feel condemnation. That’s Satan’s game. God wanted me to get there so I could see how rich and beautiful a gift he was offering. I couldn’t see or taste his goodness or love, until I understood what he was covering.

Looking back at the two scriptures in Matthew, how did the Wise Men instinctively know the proper response to Jesus? I think something in us knows. Yet something in us resists. While others were hesitant, resistant and felt disturbed by Jesus, the Wise Men went all in. They stopped what they were doing, went searching for him, bowed down to him, gave him their finest gifts… and felt joy.

Lord I pray for my daily surrender to your higher power. Your ways are not my ways. Your ways are better than my ways. God you are good. You are love. I pray that others will join me in finding the answer to the riddle. That in laying myself down, in surrendering performing, earning and achieving and receiving you instead, I and they experience a touch of the real gift you have given to all who believe in you. I pray for comfort and joy that surpasses our understanding. Amen.