grace given me

“You complete me.” We all know the line from Jerry Maguire. Raised on a steady stream of rom coms, I was a believer. Girl meets guy or guy meets girl. They fall in love, overcome all obstacles that keep them apart, defy the odds, fall madly in love, and live happily ever after. Love stories often begin with what Hollywood calls a “meet-cute” – a charming and memorable first encounter between the soon to be romantic partners. Here’s mine: my husband was an uninvited guest to my birthday party but came as a friend of a friend. Though we didn’t date for months to come, he said I had left a mark on him and on our first date recalled exactly what I had been wearing. 

Fast forward through dating, engagement, marriage, kids. Settled in, I was shocked to learn that married life was not like in the movies. We weren’t exactly living “happily ever after.” It was really hard. It had good parts and good times, but it got rough. I became angry, sad, bitter and if I am being honest, I felt like a victim. Why is this happening to me? I felt hopeless. We were stuck. 

But for the grace of God, he somehow caught my attention. I was in a Christian fiction book club that evolved into Bible studies because we were searching for more. I was reading self-help books and listening to endless podcasts. My family started teasing me about starting every conversation with, “During the podcast I was listening to…” I was trying everything I could think of to “do” and “fix” in my own knowledge and strength.

Then one day I heard, “spouses make terrible saviors.” Boom, I had been wanting my husband to “complete me.” I wanted the rom com marriage, but that is not real life. I’m not going to lie, but it took me a hot minute to wrestle down my emotions about that. I wanted the fairy tale. I didn’t realize how deeply I wanted it. I had to mourn the loss of it. “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4) I had to release my husband from the burden of redeeming me from my wounds and fears. Tim Keller in The Meaning of Marriage says, “If your source of love and meaning is your spouse, then anytime he or she fails you, it will not just cause grief but a psychological cataclysm.”

“Lord, to whom shall we go?” (John 6:68) I fell into Jesus’ loving arms. I began a love affair with Jesus. I started doing a morning quiet time with Jesus. I joined a group that read the Bible in a year. For one year, my friend and I did a monthly 40-hour liquids-only praying fast for our marriages and our husbands. I started having real conversations with God. I told him why I was angry, sad, and bitter. I cried with him over my disappointment and fears. I got real with him. As I confessed truth to him, the Holy Spirit got to work in me. I had always thought that confessing our sin and repenting was about us feeling the rightful condemnation for our thoughts and actions. But “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1) There was no condemnation. Just a reminder that I was worth dying for. He changed my thoughts and beliefs. He told me the truth about who I really am. He said, ‘You are precious. You are loved.’ He started healing me. He started healing my marriage.

On this Valentine’s weekend, if you are looking for the greatest love affair of your life, run to Jesus. You want someone who is willing to die for you? He did. You want someone who thinks you are gorgeous, smart, and perfect in every way? Check, check, check. You want someone who will never leave you or forsake you? He has promised it to you. You want someone to protect, serve, and guide you? He assures us that he will. You want someone who will whisper sweet things into your ear? He has wondrous things to say to you. You want someone who wants you to start your day with them? End your day with them? He is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end, and he longs to be part of every minute of your day. You want someone to attentively listen to your every word? He never grows tired of hearing from you. You want someone you can give all of yourself to? You can safely give him your whole body, mind, heart and soul. Forever and ever.

Lord, we love because you first loved us. Your love is patient and kind. It is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It is not irritable and it keeps no record of being wronged. It rejoices in truth. It never gives up on us, is always hopeful, and endures through everything. I pray to love you with all my heart so you can perfect your love in me. I pray for every reader – wherever they are at in their earthly romances – that they will experience your all fulfilling love. You are truly the only one who can “complete us.” Amen.