grace given me

I have to admit that this past week, the enemy rattled my cage a little bit. We were on a lake vacation when my brother-in-law passed away. My niece, who came to the lake, lost her phone in the water—and with it, the last photo she had with her dad. The boat we rented broke down. My mom’s arrival was delayed because the movers she hired turned out to be a scam. And we got locked out of the house. Before the trip, my husband and I had prayed over the lake house and the family and friends we’d be sharing time with. We felt at peace, knowing God was going with us to the lake. But when things started to unravel—especially the profound loss of my brother-in-law—I’ll confess to some mental swirl. We had so much to appreciate and enjoy at the lake, but doubts and fears began creeping in.

I’m so thankful for hope-filled words of truth—and for a God who reminds us that fear is a liar.

One fitful night, I couldn’t stop thinking about my brother-in-law. We had prayed for his healing and truly believed for it. Now, my heart was heavy with grief—and anxiety. I also started worrying we’d be held responsible for the broken boat and was stewing over the confrontation with the boat rental company. The enemy, always quick to find an opening and pile on, began whispering:

“Can you really trust God to protect you if he let your brother-in-law die?”
“Can you really trust him to provide when you might be out a lot of money?”
“Didn’t you pray and believe he would be watching over you at the lake?”
“Well, is he?”
“If you’re wavering on these questions, who do you think you are writing a blog about faith?”

I had to dig deep in prayer. I had to get radically honest with God. I confessed that I was entertaining these thoughts, even though I didn’t want to. I told him I was choosing him—regardless. I wanted to have faith despite the doubts. I just kept repeating: “I know your ways are better. I know your ways are better.” And as I professed belief in the middle of my uncertainty, it was as if a helper suddenly showed up on the scene. I know it was the Holy Spirit. He reminded me:

God is still my Protector.
He is still my Provider.
He is the Most High.
He is Peace.

He gave me comfort that he had my brother-in-law—and his family—in his hands. He moved me toward compassion instead of conflict over the boat situation. He reminded me that I committed to writing this blog for a year. All I needed to do was stay obedient and leave the rest to God—the Everlasting One. 

I had been letting fear distort and misrepresent reality. Isaiah 41:10 says, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” And 2 Timothy 1:7 reminds us, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

The next morning, I started a new note on my phone called: “What am I afraid of today?” Fear is one of the enemy’s favorite tools. I don’t want to be naïve to his schemes. He uses it to stir anxiety, paralyze us in mental swirl, and keep us from trusting God’s power and goodness. When we don’t consciously confess our fears, the enemy keeps us trapped. He loves when we keep things unclarified—because vagueness cannot be addressed, healed, or overcome. But when we confess our fears honestly—big or small—God can work with that. He reminds us of who he is, and who we are, in every situation. He beats the liar with truth every time. Our confession opens a floodgate to receive his true love. As we allow him to move in love, he leads us into peace.

1 John 4:18 declares, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out all fear…”

Lord, I believe in you—and I believe you. I take you at your word. Thank you for always being with us so we can “fear not.” Remind me when I begin to fear—it happens so fast I don’t always notice. Assure me of who you are—God Almighty. Assure me of who I am—daughter of the King. Assure me that you will never abandon me. Bring to me a sound mind, courage to chase the enemy back in your name, and your authority to declare provision and peace in every situation. Thank you for your perfect love. Amen.