grace given me

This week, I am savoring every moment with my daughter who is about to leave for a semester abroad. When I went through the empty nest transition the first time, it was rough. But those who have children moving toward full-time adulting understand that each departure is a little more bittersweet. We long to launch healthy, happy, prospering children—but at the same time, we find ourselves staring down the final endings of sweet times with them still at home. My heart is stretched in two directions: thrilled for my daughter’s adventure abroad, and yet aching with the sadness of letting her go. As I thought of my own tough goodbye, I couldn’t help but think of my sister, who recently lost her beloved husband. Her grief is deep because her love was deep. Sitting with these thoughts in my quiet time, I found myself asking: Why does love, the greatest gift of all, sometimes hurt so much?

Love, in its purest form, holds both joy and sorrow. But why? If love is so beautiful, the very best thing God created, why does it bring pain? I think it is because the best loves are hard-forged over years of investment. They are built on sacrifice and cannot be easily replaced. They are foundational, with deep soul ties. Love carries earthly components: connection, protection, provision, companionship, shared visions, shared burdens, teamwork, and delight. But it also carries supernatural ones—those unseen elements that tether us to another person. When love is flourishing, we feel whole; when it is threatened or lost, we feel desperate—left with a void. The ache is real because the bond is real. As C.S. Lewis wrote in The Four Loves: “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.”

Behind the pain of love, I kept circling back to two things: fear and longing. We fear losing the earthly components of love—companionship, provision, even our sense of safety. Loneliness itself is one of man’s greatest fears. We also fear losing the supernatural dimensions—feeling worthy, tethered, and known. We long to love and be loved. To give and to receive love. We were made in love and our very purpose is to love.

The most powerful love comes when we love in full vulnerability. Giving love with no strings attached, without expectations. And receiving love without resistance—in full abandon. Yet the Bible calls us “stiff-necked” people (Exodus 32:9). Out of self-protection, we often withhold and retain a resistance to unconditional love for fear of being rejected or disappointed. We think we are being smart. We have been hurt. We have been let down in the past. We do what we can to keep that from happening again. Ironically, the very walls we build to guard our hearts keep us from the thing we most desire. It’s a vicious truth. The heart is not sophisticated enough on its own. It believes what we tell it. We tell it to put up protective walls and so it does. Protecting us from giving and receiving love in fullness.

“We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). We are safe to love, and to keep loving even when it hurts, because that’s what God does for us and he never stops. We can trust his perfect love will never fail. When we soften our hearts, he opens us to full love, and to new loves. And when love is lost—whether through distance, change, or death—we may not be able to fill or replace the hole, but he grows more love around it. He shows us how he can hold the space for what is missing. He can hold you.

The will of God is to love and grow us. To have life in abundance. Jesus promised: “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10) When I spend time with him he can move me from fear and longing to comfort, protection and strength. With him I can look forward with victor eyes, not victim eyes. I can see what all, what more, he wants to give me instead of shrinking back in fear. He can take me into the next promised land.

Lord of all, Lord of love. Thank you for the gift of love. What would the world be without it? Thank you for loving me first. Thank you for teaching me how to love. Tear down the walls I have put up in self-protection. I trust you. I know you are working all things out for my good. I will trust you and let down my guard. So, I can give and receive the fullness of your love and all the love you’ve placed around me. Open my eyes to all of the love you want to fill my life with. I look forward with hope and excited expectation while you hold the spaces in my heart that need support. Amen.