grace given me

Not long ago, a friend confided that she was having doubts about her marriage. She was trying to work on things with her husband, but he didn’t seem interested in working on the relationship. With trepidation, she asked me, “If God loves marriage, will he be disappointed in me if I choose to leave?” Another friend wrestles with her relationship with her mom. Their interactions have become strained, and she feels torn between the biblical command to honor her parents and her own need for healthy boundaries. She wondered aloud, “If God loves reconciliation, will he be disappointed in me if I put some distance in my relationship with my mom?”

These are real-life questions that reveal the tension many of us feel: If I make the “wrong” choice, will God condemn or abandon me?

God gives us guidelines for living, but life isn’t always black and white. We live in a fallen world, in imperfect relationships, and in human flesh. The Bible clearly affirms God’s love for marriage (Ephesians 5:31–32) and his desire for reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18). But it also acknowledges the reality of brokenness, sin, and situations where wisdom calls for different paths. The truth is this: whether you stay married or end up divorced, God is with you. Whether you continue spending time with a difficult family member or decide to create boundaries, God is with you. He will never abandon his children. Deuteronomy 31:6 assures us, “…for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.”

The enemy loves to whisper that one bad choice will cut us off from God. That if we slip up, if we disappoint God, or if we take a different path than we “should,” he will turn away. But that is a lie. The only thing that cuts us off from God is us turning away from him. It’s us thinking we know best. Or more often than not, it’s us thinking we have disappointed him and turning from him in shame. But he is so patient and loving and gentle and kind. Wherever we find ourselves, and I do mean wherever, all it takes is one slight nod in his direction and you will find yourself in the most loving embrace. James 4:8 tells us, “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.” 

God has given us the gift of free will. In a sense, life really is a “choose your own adventure” story. We make decisions about relationships, careers, boundaries, and commitments. At our breaking point, the grass may seem greener on the other side. But often we discover that the same issues follow us because wherever we go we are still there. We switch jobs, convinced the problem is our boss, only to find a new boss with the same frustrations. We end friendships, sure the other person was the problem, only to face similar struggles in the next relationship. God cares more about our character than our circumstances. He will keep pursuing heart transformation in us, whether we are married or divorced, reconciling or setting boundaries, in one workplace or another.

At the heart of it, God’s concern is not so much what we choose, but who we are becoming as we choose. He uses every circumstance—whether joyful or painful—to refine us. Romans 5:3–4 reminds us: “We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” When we surrender and obey we will find ourselves receiving “undeserved privilege,” living lives of abundance in whatever scenario we find ourselves in. Your choices matter, but God’s presence is not contingent on them. His love is not conditional. His refining work will follow you into whatever path you take, because his desire is always for your growth, healing, and transformation. So choose your adventure. Seek his will. Lean into his voice. And trust that no matter where you find yourself, God is still with you.

Lord, thank you for never leaving us or forsaking us. Thank you for walking with us in every twist and turn of life’s adventures. Help us not to live in fear of making the “wrong” choice, but to trust that you are with us in all things and that you make all things work together for our good. Each decision may lead us down a path, but none of those paths place us outside of your reach. Refine our hearts, build our character, and help us draw near to you daily. May we rest in the truth that wherever we go your presence is our greatest privilege. Amen.